As a child, Elaine Aron learned to blend into the background and gradually came to feel almost invisible. Although her research and books on “highly sensitive people” have had a major impact, she still prefers quiet meditation to noise and excitement. Psychology met the woman who put sensitivity on the agenda – read how it all began.

By Sannie Terese Buren, featured in Magasinet Psykologi 03/2015

When psychologist and author Elaine Aron began studying the phenomenon of sensitivity in the early 1990s, there was virtually no research or literature on the subject. Today the field is flourishing, with both research findings and books building on her work. Her first book, The Highly Sensitive Person, has been published in 40 languages and has sold around one million copies worldwide.

In the book, Aron explains that 15–20 percent of all people have a nervous system that processes impressions more deeply and is more sensitive to both internal and external stimulation. This means more intense experiences of things such as a conversation, time spent in nature or a good concert. On the other hand, highly sensitive people often cannot handle as much external activity as others, since their sensory system is easily overstimulated. As a result, they need more time for rest and withdrawal.

This need for withdrawal may partly explain why sensitivity has sometimes gained a bad reputation, as some people have withdrawn in ways that appeared neurotic or dramatic. Just think of Maud from the Danish television series Matador …

But it does not have to be that way, says Aron, who is herself highly sensitive.

“When you understand what it means and learn to take these particular needs into account, being highly sensitive can lead to a richer and more creative life.”

Elaine Aron grew up in California as the youngest of three children.

“When I was born, my parents were very busy with other things. My mother was due to take her real estate exam six weeks after I was born, and she was trying to manage as best she could while also caring for a newborn.”

During Elaine’s first year of life, her brother also became seriously ill, she explains.

“So, I think I looked around and thought, ‘Oh boy, these people already have plenty to deal with – I’d better behave myself.’ In a way you could say my sensitivity made me someone who blended into the background and became very well-behaved.”

Were you a quiet child?

“Yes, also at school. And very obedient. I was never bullied, but I was ignored – it was almost as if I were invisible. If someone were to put an inscription on my gravestone, it would say: ‘She was never any trouble.’”

Elaine remembers much of her childhood as rather solitary. But like many highly sensitive children, she was good at entertaining herself.

“I had some toy horses that I loved to play with and invent stories about – it was almost like being in another world…”

But despite Elaine’s great love of horses, her parents never considered letting her learn to ride.

“And I was not the kind of child who could figure out how to seek it out on my own. I was not at all athletic, and I did not learn to swim or ride a bicycle until I was thirteen. My parents thought it was best that way, because then there was less risk that something would happen to me. But children need to learn those kinds of things!”

As a teenager, Elaine came into contact with a couple who managed a ranch where she spent her holidays and finally learned to ride – something she has continued ever since and still enjoys today.

“The man was a real cowboy who hardly said a word. Looking back, I can see that he was highly sensitive as well. We could ride together for hours without saying anything. After a while I was allowed to ride the better horses, and I watched how he saddled them and learned to do it myself. Eventually he even let me ride off on my own. I think the trust I was shown, and the fact that I learned some physical skills, helped give me more confidence,” Elaine explains.

After a turbulent youth, with many changes, many tears shed in various bathrooms because she felt she could not cope with the pressure of the academic environment, and a failed early marriage, Elaine met her current husband, Arthur Aron, at the age of 23. He was studying psychology at a university in Canada.

“I already had a bachelor’s degree in psychology and applied to the same university to continue my studies. But when I discovered that my internship would take place at a very large, old-fashioned psychiatric hospital in Toronto, and that I would have to go through a big and formal presentation – which I was convinced I would never manage – I gave up the idea of pursuing a doctorate and settled for a master’s degree instead.”

After Arthur had completed his PhD, the couple lived for some years in British Columbia.

“We were a kind of hippies in those days and dreamed of getting away from civilisation, so we built a cabin far out in nature, without running water or electricity. It was a wonderful time, and my son was born there.

When they grew tired of living so primitively, Arthur accepted a teaching position at a university in California. Elaine settled into a quiet life caring for their son, seeing a few psychotherapy clients and pursuing a career as a novelist. In time, however, she also managed – at the age of forty-five – to complete a PhD in psychology.

In 1991 Elaine had an allergic reaction to some medication. The experience affected her deeply, and she went into therapy herself.

“During the third session the therapist said, ‘I think you are a highly sensitive person,’ and I asked, ‘What is that?’” Elaine recalls.

But the therapist could not really explain what it meant, only that she experienced herself and many people she knew as more sensitive and finely attuned than the majority – something Elaine immediately recognised in herself.

“That’s how it started. Funnily enough, the therapist later could not remember having made the comment at all!”

Elaine decided to investigate the matter further. When she could find neither literature nor research on the subject, she began with a simple scientific study of her own. She put up notices around town asking for people who would be willing to talk with her about being introverted and sensitive, and then conducted in-depth interviews with about forty people.

“At the time I thought that being sensitive and being introverted might be the same thing, but I quickly discovered that they are not, because about twenty percent of the people I spoke to were extroverted.”

Together with her husband Arthur, she later conducted a questionnaire study with a couple of thousand participants. Through his work he had access to several educational institutions where students took part in psychological experiments.

This early research still forms the basis for the concept of the “highly sensitive person”, Elaine Aron explains.

After Elaine had conducted the first round of interviews, the local newspaper wrote an article about her.

“Afterwards I received lots of letters and phone calls from people who wanted me to tell them more,” Elaine remembers.

So, she gave a talk at the local library, which turned out to be completely packed. And when some of those attending wanted to hear even more, Elaine decided to hold a series of informal seminars in her own living room.

“Everything was so new that I did not yet really have much to teach, and as an introvert I felt a little out of my depth. But people quickly began giving each other good advice, and I hurried to take notes.”

Before long, Elaine had begun writing her first book about being highly sensitive. Together with Arthur she also wrote a scientific article, which was published in one of the most respected American journals of psychology.

Later the couple set out to investigate the link between high sensitivity and depression. They found that highly sensitive people with a difficult childhood have a greater risk of becoming depressed, while for those who had a good childhood, sensitivity does not lead to depression.

Since then, other research has shown that the highly sensitive trait, combined with a supportive childhood, most often leads to advantages.

“In general, there has been an enormous growth in research in recent years across many different fields, including developmental psychology, biology, biochemistry and genetics. This means that we no longer have to carry out the research ourselves and can instead focus on communicating the knowledge. At the moment, for example, we are working on a documentary film that will hopefully reach even more people,” Elaine explains.

You do not have to speak with Elaine Aron for long to realise that her husband, Arthur Aron, has played an important role in her life, both professionally and personally.

“He has supported me both emotionally and financially, discussed my ideas with me, and has certainly stimulated my intellectual side. Without him there probably would not have been any research into HSP,” Elaine concludes.

And all this despite the fact that Arthur Aron is not himself highly sensitive.

“When I wrote my first book about highly sensitive people, I described the advantages of being with a partner who is also sensitive. But I also wrote about the advantages of having a partner who is not sensitive and who can offer support in stressful and overstimulating situations. When Arthur read the chapter, he said: ‘You do not have anything here about the advantage for me of being married to you!’”

That remark made Elaine begin to look at her own sensitivity in a different way and notice some of its more positive aspects.

“That we enjoy talking about deep subjects, that we are spiritual, that we can understand what is going on socially… Arthur often asks my advice before meetings or social events about whether there is something he should say – or perhaps not say – because those are the kinds of things I tend to notice more than he does.”

But like many other highly sensitive people, Elaine for a long time experienced mostly the more difficult aspects of being highly sensitive.

“That I could not cope with as much as others because of overstimulation, and often needed time to rest and withdraw. I think many sensitive people see themselves as a problem for others, because special consideration often has to be taken for their sensitivity.”

Today, however, she has learned to appreciate the deeper and more positive aspects of her sensitivity and uses meditation, among other things, to find the calm she needs.

“I believe highly sensitive people are emotional leaders, because we are often the first to feel sadness or anger when we sense that something is not right. And the world truly needs people who think more about consequences and about how their actions affect the whole. Finding new and creative solutions is also part of the highly sensitive trait. That is why I sincerely hope that greater respect and recognition will develop around the abilities sensitive people have, because I believe they can help solve some of the problems the world faces today.”

Psychologist and Author Dr. Elaine Aron, was born in California in 1944, where she still lives today. Since the early 1990s she has researched the highly sensitive personality trait, among other things together with her husband, psychologist Arthur Aron. She has written several books on the subject, including The Highly Sensitive Person, which is believed to have sold around one million copies worldwide.